Post by fairlyoddnewyorker on Jul 5, 2005 19:03:29 GMT -5
Now ... you're all going to hate this since, low and behold, Randall doesn't show up yet. I'm still working on it- so critique is what I need, and any suggestions I will take.
I just wanted to know if my OC was ... good enough. She's a young 'actress' after all ^^;
Tell me what you think, and I'll give a shot on completing the couple or more paragraphs I made after this
~~~
Summary- Desdemona comes across Randall in Tartarus, HALF dead. She tries to care for him without big daddy finding out. Can she keep him a secret for long? One thing’s for sure, Randall can’t stay there forever.
~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1- Desdemona
“Oh, my little rose petal?” Hades called, his voice thick with sweet sarcasm. A small girl, about five years of age, peeked out from behind her room curtain. Her eyes slowly looked up to meet her father’s, and an innocent grin formed across her face.
“Yes, Daddy?”
He clasped his pointy fingers together, trying to refrain from erupting in flames.
“What did I tell you about playing fetch with Cerberus using the Fates’ eye ball?” his voice was tight and sing-song like.
Her lip pursed, and she squinted, as if trying to remember, “Um … don’t do it?”
“Exactly,” he nodded, “So why’d you do it?”
“Cerbie was bored, Daddy!” she whined, “I didn’t want him chewing on Panic because he fell in the Styx and he was sorta icky … and I know you complained about bringing himto the vet. So I thought I’d play fetch with him like I’ve seen other people do with their dogs, but I didn’t have a stick or ball. So I found the Fates’ eye lying on the shoreline so I used it.”
“Dessie …” Hades groaned, massaging his forehead in vain.
“Well it was there!” she protested, “They were obviously not using it!”
“Um … sir?” Pain’s voice called in a quiet voice.
“What??” he looked over, and only then did his head ignite. The site of his imps seemed to just … annoy him. If it wasn’t Desdemona doing something wrong, it was them.
The purple imp flinched, holding the clipboard over his head. The sight of it reminded the God that the new arrivals had just pulled in.
“Right, right, Des, I gotta go- just keep outta trouble, alright? I got a reputation to hold up here …”
She looked down at her sandals in disappointment, her long black hair flowing to conceal the sides of her face. The cool blue-flamed tips reached up a little more than usually and gently brushed her face.
Hades sighed, and got down on one knee, “Look kid- I know you’re bored … well hey, you’re only stuck with me every other week, huh?”
“It’s not that, Dad.” She replied, refusing to meet his eyes, “I just want a friend. Not your minions,” she stopped him when he tried to mention the two.
“They’re more like babysitters … I want a friend.”
“Yeah …” he replied, running his fingers nervously through his flamed hair, “Well … I’ll tell you what- Next time Mom and I go to the club, you can come along too.”
She beamed, “The House of Mouse? Really??” she wrapped her arms around his neck, “Thank you, Daddy!”
“Yeah, yeah, sure … and keep the happy down; it’s supposed to be dead around here, remember? Yeesh.”
She smiled, “Okay,” she forced a frown, trying hard to keep her excitement to a minimum. Though, going to the club really didn’t solve her friendship problem. Maybe she’d meet somebody … then again; those who go there must have friends if they go there so often.
Panic walked over to her, looking back at Hades, wringing his pointy fingers nervously. She snatched him by the horns, “C’mon babysitter.”
She started wandering around the Styx again, but she steered clear of Cerberus and the Fates’ cave. However, it wasn’t exactly safe walking by the river of souls- some people just could not face the fact that they were dead.
She shot a flame at a soul that grabbed at her ankle, and Panic cringed, following her. “Don’t make ‘em mad- remember, your Dad fell in once …”
“Really?” she said, uninterested, “I heard he was punched …” she balled up a fist at the ceiling of the Underworld several seconds later, “I don’t care how small I am- I’ll get Jerk-ules …” she growled.
“DON’T pull that at the club!”
“Why not?” she asked, and grabbed a nearby stick, dragging it along the ground carelessly.
Panic started chewing his fingertips, “Mickey doesn’t stand for fighting!”
“Aw, I’m not scared of a big ol’ Mouse,” she retorted, walking along a rock-slate bridge her Dad laid down for her when she was younger.
Panic frowned, “Well Hades hold’s his tongue. And he’d be more than disappointed if you didn’t hold yours.”
She stared down at the river, ignoring the imp, and went to poke her stick in. Panic stopped her, “Don’t.”
She sighed, and pulled it back. “They can’t hurt me, I’m a god, remember?”
“Only half.”
She rolled her eyes, and sat on the bridge with her legs folded. She unclenched her angry fist and studied her palm, and looked back in wonder at the oncoming souls that flowed underneath the bridge and downstream behind her.
Maleficent had given her the power of reincarnation. She was told that she could bring the dead back to life. This power was given to her on her fifth birthday, when her hamster Ripper died.
She looked back from her palm to the river again, and spotted the soul of this serpent-like creature floating her way.
I just wanted to know if my OC was ... good enough. She's a young 'actress' after all ^^;
Tell me what you think, and I'll give a shot on completing the couple or more paragraphs I made after this
~~~
Summary- Desdemona comes across Randall in Tartarus, HALF dead. She tries to care for him without big daddy finding out. Can she keep him a secret for long? One thing’s for sure, Randall can’t stay there forever.
~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1- Desdemona
“Oh, my little rose petal?” Hades called, his voice thick with sweet sarcasm. A small girl, about five years of age, peeked out from behind her room curtain. Her eyes slowly looked up to meet her father’s, and an innocent grin formed across her face.
“Yes, Daddy?”
He clasped his pointy fingers together, trying to refrain from erupting in flames.
“What did I tell you about playing fetch with Cerberus using the Fates’ eye ball?” his voice was tight and sing-song like.
Her lip pursed, and she squinted, as if trying to remember, “Um … don’t do it?”
“Exactly,” he nodded, “So why’d you do it?”
“Cerbie was bored, Daddy!” she whined, “I didn’t want him chewing on Panic because he fell in the Styx and he was sorta icky … and I know you complained about bringing himto the vet. So I thought I’d play fetch with him like I’ve seen other people do with their dogs, but I didn’t have a stick or ball. So I found the Fates’ eye lying on the shoreline so I used it.”
“Dessie …” Hades groaned, massaging his forehead in vain.
“Well it was there!” she protested, “They were obviously not using it!”
“Um … sir?” Pain’s voice called in a quiet voice.
“What??” he looked over, and only then did his head ignite. The site of his imps seemed to just … annoy him. If it wasn’t Desdemona doing something wrong, it was them.
The purple imp flinched, holding the clipboard over his head. The sight of it reminded the God that the new arrivals had just pulled in.
“Right, right, Des, I gotta go- just keep outta trouble, alright? I got a reputation to hold up here …”
She looked down at her sandals in disappointment, her long black hair flowing to conceal the sides of her face. The cool blue-flamed tips reached up a little more than usually and gently brushed her face.
Hades sighed, and got down on one knee, “Look kid- I know you’re bored … well hey, you’re only stuck with me every other week, huh?”
“It’s not that, Dad.” She replied, refusing to meet his eyes, “I just want a friend. Not your minions,” she stopped him when he tried to mention the two.
“They’re more like babysitters … I want a friend.”
“Yeah …” he replied, running his fingers nervously through his flamed hair, “Well … I’ll tell you what- Next time Mom and I go to the club, you can come along too.”
She beamed, “The House of Mouse? Really??” she wrapped her arms around his neck, “Thank you, Daddy!”
“Yeah, yeah, sure … and keep the happy down; it’s supposed to be dead around here, remember? Yeesh.”
She smiled, “Okay,” she forced a frown, trying hard to keep her excitement to a minimum. Though, going to the club really didn’t solve her friendship problem. Maybe she’d meet somebody … then again; those who go there must have friends if they go there so often.
Panic walked over to her, looking back at Hades, wringing his pointy fingers nervously. She snatched him by the horns, “C’mon babysitter.”
She started wandering around the Styx again, but she steered clear of Cerberus and the Fates’ cave. However, it wasn’t exactly safe walking by the river of souls- some people just could not face the fact that they were dead.
She shot a flame at a soul that grabbed at her ankle, and Panic cringed, following her. “Don’t make ‘em mad- remember, your Dad fell in once …”
“Really?” she said, uninterested, “I heard he was punched …” she balled up a fist at the ceiling of the Underworld several seconds later, “I don’t care how small I am- I’ll get Jerk-ules …” she growled.
“DON’T pull that at the club!”
“Why not?” she asked, and grabbed a nearby stick, dragging it along the ground carelessly.
Panic started chewing his fingertips, “Mickey doesn’t stand for fighting!”
“Aw, I’m not scared of a big ol’ Mouse,” she retorted, walking along a rock-slate bridge her Dad laid down for her when she was younger.
Panic frowned, “Well Hades hold’s his tongue. And he’d be more than disappointed if you didn’t hold yours.”
She stared down at the river, ignoring the imp, and went to poke her stick in. Panic stopped her, “Don’t.”
She sighed, and pulled it back. “They can’t hurt me, I’m a god, remember?”
“Only half.”
She rolled her eyes, and sat on the bridge with her legs folded. She unclenched her angry fist and studied her palm, and looked back in wonder at the oncoming souls that flowed underneath the bridge and downstream behind her.
Maleficent had given her the power of reincarnation. She was told that she could bring the dead back to life. This power was given to her on her fifth birthday, when her hamster Ripper died.
She looked back from her palm to the river again, and spotted the soul of this serpent-like creature floating her way.
