Post by lillie on Oct 24, 2010 10:44:30 GMT -5
Oct 8, 2010 2:56:44 GMT -5 @lillie said:
I'm still shorter than everybody else, and I live in Asia for crying out loud. I don't think that that growth spurt would ever come >:you should be happy your small. I'm always 2nd biggest in everything, and its getting f****** annoying when my friend teases me about everything and all. You should be happy.
we should switch places then, physically.
All my friends do the same thing, because I'm short. And well yes, I do have the tendency to hunch and slouch all the time.
Eh.
New sucky things.
1] Well, this is sort of a good-bad thing, but I'm doing all the work in an investigatory project that my teacher finds to be very original.
Screw them, I'm telling her that two group mates did NOTHING, and one well.. she helped with the 'research.'
2] I cut my eyelashes off. long story.
3] I'm confused about myself. I mean, I don't want to bother my friends anymore, but well thinking about it, they don't seem like my friends anymore. Long story.
I've been feeling sadder than usual, ever since April this year. I've read about mood swings, and they don't last this long. This might be depression, I don't know. Sometimes, I just don't tell anybody anymore about my not caring. It seems like I've been feeling so detached.. numb, empty, stuff like that.
Sometimes I just have to smile but smiling could only get you so far.
I TRY to improve, and be happy again, but I can't. The sucky part is, I couldn't find the reason why I feel this way.
This problem, 4], is related to number three in a way.
4] My classmate/companion
She has been my classmate for two years in a row. Maybe it was just my not knowing who she really is, or her changing, but lately, she has been acting very spoiled. demotivational. bitter. self-centered. vain. disrespectful. pessimistic. CONCEITED, NARCISSISTIC, IMMATURE, POSER IMBECILE!
[Oh my god that felt wonderful.]
I have been counting. She has indirectly [or maybe subtly] insulted me three times.
She has acted self-centered.. well, every day.
She has commented on my being 'sad' all the time, making fun of it.
She has insulted my being sad.
SHE STILL THINKS THAT I LIKE HER.
I don't.
Not after meeting the monster that lies within.
She is.. frustrating.
I wasn't talking to here one week [last month] for two days straight and she takes this as an insult. She texts me during dismissal time saying "Hey, I'm pretty sure that you hate me, so from the next day on, pretend that I have never existed. *pretends to me serious*"
What the hell does that mean? The next day I avoided her, and everyone else.
I don't like talking to her anymore, but I do, because she approaches me.
She used to be funny. But now her jokes are offensive. and lame.
She calls her 'friends' weaboos and nerds and raging, flaming otakus behind their backs.
She is all about image, and having NICE SKIN AND LEGS AND HAIR.
She doesn't listen to me when I'm serious.
When we're group mates, she relies on her non-existent 'cuteness' or as they say.. 'moe' factor, to make me do all the fooking work. AND SHE EXPECTS A GRADE.
She only cares about herself. [Proof: she doesn't listen to me but complain on her deviantar page like "nobody cares about me and what I say" AND SHE CALLS ME AN EMO KID.]
Oh my god she frustrates me.
Infuriates me.
Kills a part of me.
And did you know that she insulted her mom on Facebook?
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I'm guessing that she's part of the cause of my depression.
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In real life, I'm pretty shy and I don't talk if you don't initiate the conversation. I happen to be a loner too.
Crap I lost my train of thought.
OH. I have a short attention span. I tend to lie to the people I really know and love and I don't know why.
After tennish, I get paranoid. VERY paranoid.
I get headaches a lot and it really bothers me, specially in school.
That's all.