Help meh with this .... KH-M.I.

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

Okay, this is pretty long ... but if you could point out mistakes the computer might not've picked up and tell me if it's alright ... that would help. I need to figure out what to do next. Me and my stupid ideas ...

From my fanfic- Unlikely Heroes

Note- there was a beginning scene, but it was just chit-chat and I don't think you'd be interested. So, here it is-

Chapter 2: Monsters Inc

“Are we there yet?” Lumiere asked exhaustedly.
“Say that one more time, and I swear I’ll throw you all out into space.” Tabella said fiercely. She wasn’t so good at driving gummi-ships, and her friends really weren’t making it any easier.
“Hey! I think I see it!” Panic called excitedly, pointing straight ahead. Vitani shot bolt upright in her seat, restrained from pressing her face on the windshield due to her seatbelt. “Woo-hoo! We’re almost there!” she yelled happily. Joanna let out an oddly-sounding squeal of happiness. Penny, who was fast asleep in the back seat, awoke almost instantly, rubbing her tired eyes without a word. She didn’t sleep well at all last night.
Tabella finally speeded it up, as eager to land as everyone else. Before they knew it, they had settled the ship atop a huge building with a tin roof.

-=-

“Of all things, Lady Tremaine had to give me a broken wand!” Tabella cried furiously, examining it closely. “This was chewed by Lucifer; I can tell.” She said scathingly, referring to the old lady’s obnoxious feline.
“So what do we do now?” Lumiere asked. She shrugged her shoulders, clueless as all of them.
They managed to find a staircase through a door in the roof, and after they descended many flights of stairs, (which felt like forever) they were somewhere in a small clearing behind a large number of steaming pipes and tanks.
“We don’t need a disguise.” Vitani said plainly, “Let’s just say we mean no harm, and we’ll be on our way.”<br> “No,” Tabella said, “Hades said that the monsters here think humans are toxic.”<br> Panic looked confused, “And? You two can just scare them off, can’t you?”<br> “I guess so,” Tabella said, agreeing a bit. “But first … where are we?”<br> “Some kind of a basement, perhaps?” Lumiere suggested.
A slamming of a door was heard, and the light patter of foot steps was heard. Tabella snatched at Joanna, who was going astray, and they ducked behind a large pipe. Vitani, however, was at the other end of the room (previously sniffing around) and she turned quickly to end up crashing into a cart carrying eight weird yellow canisters.

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

Tabella flinched, ducking as far as she could into the shadows, preparing to be caught. Ah, forget it; Hades would kill her for this! If she were him, she would! After he stood up for her in front of all the villains … and she goes and pulls a stunt like this; getting caught not even ten minutes after landing.
She peeked out of her squeezed shut eyelids to see Vitani laying on the floor, back legs upright and her front paws covering her eyes. She slowly peeked through her right paw, looking towards the area where the slam was heard.
When a few minutes went by with nothing, Vitani finally stood up when her senses told her the coast was clear.
“What was that?” She asked confusedly, to no one in particular.
“Old pipes, maybe,” Penny said quietly, “The orphanage had a lot of them in their basement.” She explained.
“Now, we can’t get caught,” Lumiere reminded, “Remember wh- -”<br> Tabella hushed him frantically, “I remember. And also remember this- no names, or we’ll cause suspicion.” She said quietly. Lumiere nodded in understanding.
“Well, come on, let’s go!” Vitani whined, bouncing up and down on her four paws in anticipation. Penny wrinkled her nose, “Don’t act like such a baby,” she said truthfully. Vitani seemed taken aback, but quickly ignored her comment and headed for the door, down a long wide metal-walled square tunnel; like some sort of an overly huge air tube.
She slammed headlong into thin air, and a figure came into vision at a steady pace. Vitani stumbled backward, crawling on the floor with her front paws. It was a long purple lizard, with four back limbs and four front, and chameleon-like eyes and three fronds on his skull. A long blue stripe ran along his back, ending at the tip of his slender tail, and his underbelly was a light purple color. He sneered at them with his emerald-green eyes, revealing his white pointed teeth as he spoke.
“Who’re you and what are you doing here?” he asked fiercely, still standing in front of the door.
“Uhh … privacy is secrecy?” Lumiere suggested, shrugging. Penny backed up behind Tabella, “That’s our business,” Tabella said, scowling, “Now let us by,”<br> “I can’t do that. There’s already one human child loose out there, and I’m not letting any of you freaks out there.” He said angrily. This guy looked like he meant business. “We’ve got enough of them already, out there.”<br> “We just need to get the item and go!” Panic said, tremulously to Tabella. At this, the lizard looked curious, “Item?”<br> Lumiere gave him a forced smile and said through gritted teeth, “Nice going,”<br> Joanna had crawled over to Vitani, sniffing the air at this strange creature. The lioness got to her feet, err … paws.
“See, now this may have processed by now … but if we have to stay in here, you have to guard the door,” she said, grinning slyly. He frowned back, folding his arms.
“Or …” Tabella decided, “We can help you catch this ‘human child’.”<br> Penny nodded, “Count me in; this place is really musty,” she said, relieving an itch on her right arm.
“But what about the item??” Panic asked shakily. Tabella looked to him, “What’s your problem, Panic? Scared of this guy?” she asked, looking at the lizard. Panic blushed to a bright red at his foolishness.
Randall sighed, “Alright, you can help. But first I need to know what item you’re talking about.”<br> “An item of unity,” Vitani said before she could stop herself, “Oops.” She said sheepishly as Panic and Lumiere gave her an angry look.
“S’okay, he would’ve found out anyway.” Tabella said knowingly, “So do you know what that is?” she asked him.
He shook his head, dumbfounded. “Nope.”<br> Penny sighed, “This is going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack.”<br> “Or finding a flower growing in Tartarus,” Vitani said, smiling cheeringly. Panic groaned, “Why don’t you just give everything away, huh?”<br> Randall just stood by the door, watching them argue in amazement, simply because he had never seen some of these creatures before, except for the two human kids.
Tabella finally spoke up, “Okay, we need to find the item, so let’s find that kid for …” she looked at him confusedly, “What’s your name anyway?”<br> “Randall Boggs.” He replied.
“Can I call you Randy?” Vitani piped up, grinning brightly. “No.” he responded in a sullen tone, “Just Randall.”<br> “Oookay.” She said, rather disappointed, “I’m Vitani”<br> “I’m Penny.” Penny said quietly, still trying to hide behind the others.
“Tabella,” she said with a smile.
“Panic,” he said grumpily.
Joanna snarled something that sounded like her name. Tabella gave a lopsided grin, “Heh, she’s learning. It’s Joanna if you didn’t catch that,” she said to Randall. Joanna gave her a confused look; she was surprised anyone understood what came out of her mouth.
“And, I’m Lumiere.” He said finally, “Anyway, how do we get out of here without getting caught?”
“Well, there is one way …” he said, scratching the back of his head.

-=-

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

“Oh no! No way! I already have candle man in my face; we’ll just have to leave Panic behind!” Vitani shouted. Randall had found the only way to get them out unseen, and it was cramming them into this trolley with scream canisters, but it was only disguised as that; it was really a huge box on wheels.
“NO!” Penny, Tabella, Joanna, and Lumiere shouted (well, Joanna snarled). Vitani, surprised to have no one on her side, snickered, “Just kidding! … It was a joke!”<br> “Actually,” Randall thought, looking at Panic, “I think he can pass as a monster,” he said truthfully. Tabella looked uneasy, “Are you sure?”<br> “Yeah, positive.” Randall responded. Tabella considered it, “Well … you’ll be alright, won’t you Panic?” she asked.
“Sure, I guess.” he said, blushing a bit.
“Okay then.” She said finally.
“So where’d you wanna go?” Randall asked.
“Anywhere where there aren’t any monsters,” Penny said nervously to Tabella.
“Yeah you’re right. We can’t get caught by the wrong guy …” Tabella said, nodding.
“Well, the only place I can think of would be the locker room,” Randall suggested, “It’s a half-hour till Lunch break’s over so you’ll have to be quick. There’s an emergency exit in there,” He added.
-=-=-=-=
Tabella peered around the corner, eyes searching around the bathroom. When coast was clear, she nodded and looked down to get the okay from Panic, who was leaning to see if anyone’s feet could be seen. After a double check just to be sure, he looked up to his friend and nodded back. She turned and motioned the others to come over, and she stepped into the restroom.
Vitani restlessly blew her bangs out of her face, and groaned. “Why do we have to be sneaky? Let’s just find the exit, get the item, and leave this world!”<br> Penny looked around frantically as if a monster would pop up out of nowhere, and she shook Vitani’s shoulders. “Shhhhh!!!!”<br> Randall, who was following quietly behind them, disappeared suddenly. Penny whimpered, hugging Joanna close to her till the lizard began to scramble, trying to breathe.
“Hey,” Randall whispered, sounding a bit far away, “Someone’s coming, you’d better hide.”<br> Panic’s horns stiffened upright suddenly, and Vitani’s ears went up and alert. Tabella walked silently to the doorway and peeked out. She spotted a short green ball with limbs and one enormous eye, accompanied by two short horns atop his hairless head. A large blue behemoth walked behind him, carrying a small monster, rather hidden behind his dinner plate paws.
Tabella took no chance of getting caught, and she dashed into a bathroom stall as the others had done, and got stuck in one with Panic, of course. He was busy having a nervous breakdown in the far corner. She felt rather sorry for him, and scooped him up and kept him in the crook of her arm, pushing her self up with the other arm to keep her balanced as she stood on the toilet.
A pair of lioness paws appeared over the divider and Vitani’s face appeared soon after, “You see anyone?” she whispered. “Shh!” Tabella spat back, and tapped her on the nose. She slid down, and the sound of claws scratching against tile and a splash was heard.
“She can’t stay in here; this is the men’s room.” A voice said cautiously.
A short pause, and then, “That is the weirdest thing you’ve ever said. It’s fine; it’s perfect, look at it! It loves it here! It’s dancing with joy!”<br> Tabella squinted to try and see over the door as they continued.
“Now wait here and I’m going to get its door key.”<br> A small grunting noise, and a low chuckle, “Hey, that’s a cute little dance you got there. It’s almost like you have to go --”<br> A small whine cut him off in protest.
“OH.” The deeper voice said with sudden realization.
The thumping of feet approaching indicated that they were heading for the bathroom. A creak of a door a few stalls down tensed Tabby up, until the previous occupant, Joanna, crawled across the floor and went into a ball in the corner Panic was previously in. It was only when Tabella adjusted her balance slightly that the goanna lizard jumped, and looked relieved to see that it was only her.
Tabella peeked over once again and saw the top of the behemoth’s head, bobbing forward and backward in boredom.
A rapid tapping of feet running echoed off the bathroom walls, and faded away quickly. The behemoth became cautiously aware, and the little monster on the potty squealed with fear, and flushed the toilet. The behemoth gave one last glance around the bathroom, and reached for the door, “Okay, you’re finished now, right?” he asked slowly, peering in, “Boo …” he gasped as the toilet continued to flush. Tabella richarded a brow, and listened closely, trying to figure out what was going on.
“Boo.” The small voice said. The behemoth’s head turned to look out of the stall. The little monster giggled.
“Hey, you’re good.”
She giggled again, and the plucking sound of her feet plucked along the floor as she dashed into another stall. Tabella heard Penny whisper, “Hi …” and the little monster cried in surprise, and quicker steps were taken as she continued to cry. Lumiere could be heard whispering rather loudly, “Oh no …”
Tabella carefully stepped off the toilet, and reached for the door handle. Too late.

The large beast stared down at her ferociously. Wide eyed, she gulped, backing up as Panic trembled, hiding his face behind her head. A loud roaring scream echoed through her ears, and she soon discovered it was the monster when she dared to meet his eyes. He slipped backward onto the cold tile, and slammed the stall door shut in her face, just to have it swing back in his. He rubbed his nose, scooped up the baby, and tried to regain his posture.
“Err … human girl … what are you doing here?”<br> Tabella blinked, confused as to what to say, and took a step forward. He jumped back. Her eyebrows disappeared into her bangs.
“You’re … afraid of me?”<br> “No.” he responded. Joanna walked over to sniff the creatures, and he pushed himself up against the sink to avoid her. Tabella was halfway out of the stall, and Vitani and Penny peeked out, Lumiere in her hand.
“I think it is,” Vitani whispered in amazement.
“I’m not an ‘it’, I’m a ‘he’.” He answered, slightly annoyed. The little monster snuggled into his arm for comfort.
Lumiere suddenly asked, “Why do you have that little girl?”<br> Penny corrected him in a whisper, “Human girl …”
“Huh?” Vitani’s voice squeaked as she turned to the monster again.
“She …” the monster started, and then let out a heavy sigh, “We need to get her back to …your world.”<br> “Are you crazy?” Tabella shouted before she could stop herself, “Um, I mean … I don’t think her world is … there. Anymore.”<br> “What do you mean?” he asked, brow furrowing.
“I mean … well, long story. And I can’t exactly tell you …” she said slowly.
Vitani made a cheesy smile, and said proudly, “Huddle!” she then whispered to herself, “I’ve always wanted to say that.”<br> They gathered at the far end of the restroom. Tabella spoke first, “What’s the use of telling anyone? It’s not like they’ll believe us!”<br> Vitani scoffed, “Aw, c’mon! We ain’t like that Sora-kid; let’s just tell ‘em.”<br> “But what about maintaining world order?” Lumiere said stiffly through gritted teeth. The scruffy lioness was unaffected. “Order Shmorder. Who gives?”<br> Penny agreed, “Yeah, if no one’s aware about what’s going on, then no one will be ready to prepare themselves.”
“Isn’t that what Hades wants?” Panic asked, already knowing the answer, “If no one’s prepared for the Heartless, they’ll be easier to defeat! And if Hades finds out we’re going against his word …”
Tabby thought for a moment, “Y’know … exactly …. How will Hades find out? It’s not like anyone will tattle on us.”<br> “What about you?” Vitani asked accusingly, shoving her muzzle in Panic’s face, “You’re one of his ickle minions; a little thing like this is hard to resist keeping quiet, huh?” she said, with every few words pushing him further into the corner. Tabella yanked her friend’s tail, “I highly doubt he’d blab us out. I trust him that much.” She said firmly.
“Oh well, your loss,” Vitani said, looking defiantly at her as she stepped away from the imp. “But be warned; I don’t even trust my own brothers. You need to be cautious of everyone, no matter what.”<br> Lumiere grinned mischievously, “Really, Vitani? I remember a certain someone greeting Randall as if he was a long lost friend.”<br> Vitani turned with a snort, “Hey, whatever, he seems trustful. It’s this fluff ball I don’t trust,” she said, motioning over her hind-quarters to the behemoth, and sneered at Panic again, “And you either, pencil-neck.”<br> Tabella went to slap her, and Vitani cowered. The girl didn’t act upon her intention though, and Penny spoke up to stop this stupid-ness.
“Well, I really don’t trust that Randall.” She said, folding her arms.
“Whaddaya mean? You barely know him.”<br> “Exactly.” She pointed out, “Besides, he’s … mean looking, you know?”<br> “So is Cerberus, but you don’t see him doing anything bad.”<br> “Your dog is different. He’s been around … people, for years. And I thought you said monsters here thought humans were toxic? That guy didn’t; he was more afraid of us getting out. This guy here nearly screamed his fur off!”<br> Vitani scoloured personed stupidly at the thought.

“What the - -” a voice yelled before being cut off. The seven friends turned, and Tabella saw that little green eyeball monster from earlier.
“Its okay, Mike … I think they can help us …”
“Oh yeah, sure.” He said, folding his arms, looking at them with every bit of hate. He muttered to the behemoth, “Sulley, look, I know you’re having fun making friends with humans, but this is serious! We can lose our jobs for this, Sull! Think of--” he was cut off once again, and this time it wasn’t by Sulley.

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

“Look, I’m telling you; I haven’t seen anything.”<br> “Okay, carry on.”<br> The monsters ran swiftly for a bathroom stall. Vitani, obviously remembering falling in earlier, led them into the last stall and they crammed into there. She lay down on the floor, peering to see whoever entered. Her eyes widened in glee when she recognized him.
“Tabella,” she whispered, “it’s Randall!”<br> “Shh!!” Penny protested, leaning in the corner, peering through the crack. The lioness, frowned, lowering her head into her paws. She didn’t understand why the girl was suspicious, but her instincts told her she seemed rather frightened of the monster. Vitani found him cool … and her mind ventured off onto the pranks she could pull if she could turn invisible.
“Ah! Randall! Thank goodness!” a voice greeted with relief, “What are we going to do about the child??”<br> “Shhh!!” Randall hissed, and there was a long moment of silence. Then …<br> BANG!
BANG!
Doors at the end of the room slammed open continuously. Tabella started to get suspicious … Randall was looking for a child, and these monsters had one. What did he really want with the kid anyway?
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
“The front page!” the other voice squeaked, “It’s on the front page! The child! The one you were af-ter!!”<br> “Will-you-be-quiet?!” Randall responded in one breath, “Don’t you think I’m aware of this situation? I was up all night trying to find it!”<br> “I-I-I did a simple calculation;” the voice stuttered nervously, “Factoring the size of the sushi restaurant, the child may have escaped!!”<br> “Yeah, well until we know for sure we’re going to pretend like nothing happened, understand? You just go to the scare floor and cover me, and I’ll take care of the kid. And when I find who let it out … they’re dead!” BANG!
Silence again. Then Randall spoke, “Why are you still here? Get moving!”<br> “Ow! Ow! I’m not here!” the voice protested, fading away as they exited the bathroom. Vitani stuck her head out from underneath the door, and Joanna came waddling out and followed where the monsters had gone.
“Hey! Get back here! Joann - -OW!” Vitani hit her head onto the door, and scrambled out when Penny opened it. The others piled out after.
The green eyeball got out of a stall a few doors away from them, his legs drenched in toilet water. Vitani couldn’t help but grin- at least she wasn’t the only one who slipped into one.
“Look kids, this isn’t a game,” the one-eyed cretin started.
Vitani looked wide-eyed, “Well, sure seems like one …”
Tabella shook her head, absentmindedly, and as Joanna scurried over, she quickly snapped a leash to her harness, sending the lizard into frenzy, rolling over onto her back and trying to pull herself free. Tabella pulled the leash up, and the lizard rolled upright into the air, and back on her claws as Tabby set her down. Joanna flicked her tongue out in annoyance. “Sor-ry, but we can’t have you loose in this place, Jo.”<br> The lizard snorted, and started walking in place as Tabella kept a firm grip. She tied the rope leash around Vitani’s neck. Her eyes went wide as she stared at this collar, and turned to Joanna, who was grinning, almost insanely.
Tabella turned to Mike, “Fine. If you think we think it’s a game, maybe we’re too naïve to help you bring the kid back.” She said, and tugged on the middle of the leash, “C’mon you two.”<br> “If you think I’m making a moron of myself to anyone else in this world, think again,” Vitani muttered, pulling in the opposite direction of which Joanna and Tabella were going.
“Don’t worry- you’ll make a moron of yourself without the leash,” Lumiere said with a grin as he hopped past. Vitani scowled.
“Ain’t that the truth …” Penny commented, following him. Vitani sighed angrily, and reluctantly followed suit.
“Hey, I thought you were going to help us!” Mike called after them.
“Sorry … but … uh, we’ll get back to you on that.” Tabella said, smiling sheepishly as she grabbed Vitani by the scruff and zipped around the corner, dragging Joanna who let out a yelp of surprise.

“What was that for?? I think we’re going to suffer from this whole leash thing ya know …” Vitani growled, rubbing her neck with her paw.
“Stop complaining; we need to find Randall.” She whispered.
Lumiere’s mouth went agape, “Why would you want to go and do a thing like that for? Didn’t you just hear him before? He sounded CRAZY!”<br> Vitani grinned mischievously, “I thought he was cool. We need more people like that in our little … posse thing. Whatever Hades calls it.”<br> “NO we don’t- we have enough scary people,” Penny said in protest.
“Just stop fighting and follow me,” she ordered, and they followed her and Panic as they returned to Randall’s cart. This time, Joanna helped Panic push as the others squeezed in together.
Joanna spotted Randall first as they headed into the main hallway just past the locker rooms. He was looking at the front page of the newspaper, and his eyes went wide when he spotted the two, and he went invisible.
Panic whispered to them through the side, “We just saw him but he’s disappeared again,”<br> “Told ya he’s a bad guy,” Penny muttered, her cheek pressed against Vitani’s.
“Well … just … look around, Panic- we have to find the item,” Tabella whispered.
“I think I recall Hades saying that the key blade can find it,” Lumiere said; he was sitting on Vitani’s hind leg.
“I don’t think we should count on an object to find an object,” Vitani said through gritted teeth, trying to move her hind legs to get comfortable.
“Great minds think alike?” Lumiere said with a shrug. She rolled her eyes, flicking her tail in his face.

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

Joanna looked around curiously, darting her tongue in and out several times. Suddenly, Randall appeared, practically scaring Panic to death without meaning to, and the imp cowered, shielding himself. Joanna smiled down at him, flicking her tongue in his face.
“What do you guys think you’re doing?” Randall hissed to the cart, and then looked around to see if monsters were looking, and wheeled the cart back to the lockers.
Tabella struggled to get out first, and when Randall held out a hand, she glared at him, but took his hand nonetheless, and he helped her out.
“What do you think you were doing? You flipped out like some crazy-man in the bathroom!”<br> He narrowed his eyes, “You don’t understand, alright?”<br> Vitani leapt out of the box, causing it to slide a couple feet with Penny and Lumiere still in it, and the little girl let out a small shriek. The lights above their heads flickered slightly.
They stood quiet for a moment, looking around. Randall looked to Penny, “Don’t do that- if you had screamed any more you would’ve caused a circuit break.”<br> Tabella folded her arms, “Well, you would know- going after kids, you must get power outages here!”<br> He sneered, “What are you talking about?” he asked slowly.
Penny, who had finally gotten out, gathered her courage to say, “You said something about ‘taking care’ of that little girl. You’re going to kill her, aren’t you? Just like any other villain would!”<br> “I’m NOT trying to hurt her!” he shouted suddenly, fronds flattened against his skull, “Won’t ANYONE listen??”<br> They fell silent again. Vitani’s eyes were wide, and her eyes darted from each person, scared out of her wits. Joanna, unperturbed by this, was sniffing around on the carpet.
“Alright,” Vitani said in a small voice, “I think it’s best if we hear his side of the story …”
“Yes,” Lumiere agreed, putting his candle hands together.
Randall sighed, “Alright. Since you seem to be from other worlds, you all must know about the Heartless.” They nodded. “The Heartless have been replacing us Scarers lately, and they’ve been scaring children to gather enough scream to run energy throughout the city. But recently, I snuck into a room while one was scaring a child, and not only do they scare the children, but they steal their hearts as well,”<br> Lumiere and Vitani exchanged worried glances.
“So, one night, I tried to look through the files and see which houses they haven’t hit yet. The first one I found was that girl that’s now loose, and she wouldn’t come near me … she was too scared. I went to get the cart to bring her to safety, but when I came back she was gone. And just today, citizens spotted the human child at a sushi restaurant, and it’s rumored she’s somewhere in the building. I need to find her before the Heartless do, or someone else does, because they’ll bring her back to her room and sooner or later a Heartless will get there, whether or not they shred the door.”<br>
Panic groaned, “Well, we can’t be bothered with other people’s business- we need to find the item!” as he spoke, Vitani mimicked him, moving her mouth like a retard. Panic glared viciously at her, and she smirked in satisfaction.
“He’s right,” Tabella admitted, “I still wish we could help … but we can’t be seen in this world without causing a riot.”<br> “Hades should understand …” Penny said without thinking. Tabella let out a dry laugh, “Sure he might. But how would that look to everyone else? I’m supposed to be doing my job …”
Randall waved his hand, “Don’t bother with me. Let these idiots find out the hard way. If the boss doesn’t listen, no one will.”<br> “Well, we did! Does that count?” Vitani shot at him.

Suddenly Sulley and Mike could be seen racing past. Randall didn’t know they had the kid … yet.
“I hope they haven’t lost the girl …” Lumiere commented.
“Candleman!!” Vitani hissed, and when she turned, Randall was gone.
Tabella sighed, “C’mon. If he’s not going against his orders, we have no choice to go after them. Besides, we might find the item along the way,” she added, as she sprinted out to follow them.

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

Okay, that's as far as I got. And ... reading it over, Ran seemed a bit too mean- sorry about that. This was written some time ago ... I don't think my head is screwed on properly. xP

[RandallBoggs]

Ok....*crack*...
We'll check it out...

"Yep..."

[RandallBoggs]

Seems pretty good so far. And entertaining ^_^ You have a good flair and different approach from anyone else in your stories. It's fresh ^_^

Let see.....There are only a few things I'm confused about.....Randall would be a little bit off by the "human" members of your Key Bearer...maybe some slight humerous meeting might be your answer ^_^

The whole Heartless intro part....perhaps you could bring that in around the whole thing. Randall would seem a little...more off and slightly afraid.
Such as he's stopped production on the Scream Extractor to find out about the "creatures" that had been employeed at Monsters Inc. Perhaps his whole floor has been replaced by Heartless, save him and Sullivan. And now Randall feels he's in danger, though he wants to save the children, who had been, as you said, heart-stolen.

I think your story is good so far. A little touch work like what I said might be a good change, or....use for you next chapter.

"I didn't really think you showed me out of character at all....".
"Heck....I was a wreck then I admit....and with...."this" Heartless encounter....I would definetly be on the edge....heck....at first I was a bit skeptical when Sean an".

Ok....Ran...thank you....

[lizardgirl]

I've never played Kingdom Hearts before, but what you've written is SO cool!!! Randall seems a little snappy, but at that time he was, so you got his personality exactly right. I don't know some of the characters, though I AM familiar with Lumiere and Joanna. It's all really good! ;D

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

Thanks, guys ;D

Yeah, and I have to add in a little more between Randall and Penny. Penny's afraid but she doesn't want to show it- she's handled Medusa's crocs after all- but Randall just seems scary to her, especially since Boo's scared of him.

They kinda ... play both sides for a while, and that annoys Ran ... well, can't blame them- they've been around villains for so long and good guys are a new thing. Doesn't take long for them to figure who's the brains around there Since Sulley and Mike think they're doing the right thing by bringing Boo back ... that's like placing her in a Heartless' claws! x__X

[RandallBoggs]

Maybe the fact that she's an orphan and so is he would help? ^_^

Hmm...perhaps....but then again.....yes...that would work in well.
Instead of Randall chasing them to put Boo back, he's doing it to get her away from any door till the Heartless are taken care off.....
By Tabella perhaps?

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

Yeah. Randall gets Boo and he and Penny try to bring her back to the scare floor (for now) because when all the doors open, there's heartless that come out of them.

x__x Yeah ... Mike and Sulley are stooopid.

Mike- "Ah! Randall's gonna get us!"
Sulley- *ponders* *light bulb* "Hey! I know! Make her laugh!"
Mike- "Okay!"*does something to cause self-pain*
Boo- *laughs*
Door lights go on. Doorknobs jiggle. Heartless pop out.

.... Holiee ... I can see that in a video game. Talk about hell to pay. x__X lol

[lizardgirl]

Wow...you have so many good ideas... Shoot- you've got me wanting to read more of your stuff now! ;D

[fairlyoddnewyorker]

;D Thanks ... I feel that this may be the best thing I've written, so be on your toes when reading the others ^_^;;

[RandallBoggs]

Well....

Anyway. Yeah. That seemed pretty good. Maybe Boo slips out of his hand and Randall catches her or something.