Post by RandallBoggs on Jul 3, 2013 20:45:14 GMT -5
In a depression of the world coming down on you and listening to the nostalgic thoughts of a friend, this happened.
A small glimpse of Randall after MU...there may be other bits later on...but this kind of got to me.
===
Who You Are
===
"Take a deep breath Randall."
He took the advice, keeping his eyes closed as he was direct to do at the start of this exercise. He stood in the center of the circular room, a firm stance on all four feet, arms to his sides, digits relaxed. He cold feel the warming stonework beneath his feet, and knew he was surrounded on all sides by it, blocking out most of the noise so that he could concentrate.
Relaxation was partially the goal of this exercise, but Randall knew it wasn't going to be easy. He'd been restless and uncertain ever since he walked through the door. But success or failure, at least it was just him and one other monster to witness the results.
"Now what do you see with your eyes closed?"
"It's dark," Randall replied, in a deadpan way. If it was anybody else who'd ask such a simple question, he would have added an agitated tone to what he said. But no, not this monster. This monster he had respect for.
"Right. Now look around a little, turn your eyes to the sound of my voice."
Randall did as he was told, reminding that it was just his head moving. He scanned the floor, blind, waiting for any change, and soon there was. He could see the change of light through his eyelids, probably from the window that was overhead, the one he spotted when he first came in.
"Ok, I can see the light a little, but not really."
"Right. The only thing you see is the light and the dark. Look ahead again...there you go. Now, focus."
"Focus? On what? There's nothing, it's all black."
"It's not really dark Randall, just look."
Randall sighed, but tried. He'd slept as long as anybody else, he supposed, and had had his eyes closed just as long. It was just...no, there was something. Most of what he was looking at, or rather wasn't looking at, was dark. But there were other colors dancing around, or at least they seemed like colors. Little shapes in the dark twisting and turning, growing and fading. He guessed it was some sort of biological trick his eyes played on him, something they did when they didn't have something to actually see.
"How are you feeling now?"
Randall murmured. "Not...really any different."
"You look different."
Randall opened his eyes, looking down at himself, on reflex. "No...noooo...." he groaned. He wasn't his normal colors. Instead, he was almost jet black, but with several square and oval lines that stood out in neon-colors. "Not AGAIN!" he growled.
The speaker leaned in, sounding sympathetic along with being authoritative. "Randall, stop."
"But I-!" Randall began, looking at the speaker with both anger and embarrassment.
"Randall."
"Erm."
"...Randall, do you understand that your gift seems to be triggered by your subconscious?"
"Well my subconscious is making me SELF-CONSCIOUS," Randall muttered looking away.
The speaker murmured a chuckle. "Randall, look...what you did just now. You had control of it. You didn't just change into something random, you changed into what you were focusing on. In this case, it was what you were seeing in front of you."
"...Can I change back now?"
"Can you?"
"Of course I can," Randall replied, tightening his hands, his scales reverting from his head to his tail to their normal colors.
The speaker backed up, seeming to look the lizard monster over. "Randall...I have to wonder. ARE those your real colors?"
"What?" Randall exclaimed. "Of course they are...I've been like this for as long as I can remember." He paused, looking away. "Then again, I'm use to being invisible too."
The speaker came around in the darkness to where Randall was facing, leaning in again. "The way it seems, Randall, is that you have three stages of your gift. Blending in general, keeping it on, and changing back. It seems you know the last stage well enough."
"I guess."
The speaker leaned in closer, a flash of sharp teeth glinting off the rays of sun peeking through the window. "That's an accomplishment Randall for such a gift. If you hadn't grasped that, you would forget what you really look like. If you kept changing all the time, sooner or later you could forget who you are."
Randall looked straight ahead, blinking a little rapid. "I...never thought of it that way," he said, looking down at his hands.
The speaker's head nodded. "Knowing what you look like, who you are, is what you have to start with. Now...who are you Randall?"
Randall stared at his hands, open and inviting. He was sixteen now, and he was still remembering what he had done with them when he was fifteen. He had held text books, pencils, and crawled through urchin filled tunnels. He'd shaken the hand of perhaps, he thought, was his lifelong friend.
Who was he? Was he some...glasses-wearing dork who was easy to take advantage of? Some kind, considerate monster who was also so ignorant of how the world works? Did he learn anything? Could he steel himself so that he wouldn't be humiliated, that he wouldn't fail, that he could make something of himself.
Who was he?
"I don't know," he answered honestly.
The speaker nodded. "This is why your in a focused study Randall. You're carrying so much emotion, your talents are in distress."
"Yeah, plenty of that to go around," Randall muttered, letting his hands drop.
"It will take time Randall. You've got a few years, and I know you'll figure it out."
"You really think so?" Randall asked, looking to the speaker.
"I know so Randall." The speaker circled a little, it's own serpentine body following it's face. "I knew from the moment I scouted you that you had something. I don't mean just your talent either. Some great people, some great scarers, come from different places. They're of all sorts, all sizes, all different themselves. They all find different ways to nurture their talents, to better themselves." The speaker stopped, looking at Randall directly. "I know why you didn't accept my invitation immediately. You had something important you wanted to stay close to. Something, or someone, you didn't want to leave alone?"
Randall looked away. Yes, he had his obligations, university pride too. But he also didn't want to leave somebody, who he called friend, alone to fend for himself. He knew what it felt to be abandoned like that. Ironically, he ended up that way anyhow.
The speaker continued. "For your school, that shows loyalty and dedication. For people you cared about, it's friendship or brotherhood." The speaker leaned in, and the tip of a reptilian tail emerged from the dark. It moved under Randall's chin, lifting it, making Randall focus on him. "Loyalty, dedication, courtesy and kindness. That's what I saw when I scouted you Randall. Academically, you had the knowledge and skill, and a unique gift to boot. But you also have traits that I feel the world is starting to lose."
Randall blinked, feeling some emotion churning in his gut, and it showed on his face, and through his eyes. This monster he respected was talking about HIM. Not about his career, not about his gift, not about who he'd later be. But who, at his core, he was.
The speaker leaned in a bit more, and Randall could clearly see the honesty in the monster's face. "I don't want you to lose that Randall. You come from troubled beginnings, I can tell, and you've held out for a long time. You will be a great scarer, if that's what you want to be, I know that. I will help you achieve that goal. But, something you should do yourself, is to hang on to the qualities that make you, you."
Randall found himself smiling, but he was unsure why. Maybe it was because this monster hit the nail on the head, figuratively speaking. What he'd experienced as a kid, what he had experienced in college...he'd had his share of life wounds. His public failure had hit him hard, and he was losing grip with himself. Maybe...he was afraid of losing himself. This monster understood that.
The tail went from the chin to Randall's upper shoulder, simulating like a hand. Randall kept his head up, literally and figuratively. He felt tears starting in his eyes, but they were happier ones. He was being understood, something that rarely, next to never, happened for him. The event in college nearly destroyed his hope that somebody would ever understand. To find that somebody did was overwhelming.
"That's enough for this session Randall. Hm hm, you look thin, you should get something to eat. Take it to a terrace. Great views compliment a good meal," the speaker finally said, patting Randall's shoulder before retracting the tail.
"R-right," Randall replied, looking down and running an arm over his eyes. Looking at the speaker with young eyes, he turned and started for the door. He stopped when he gripped the handle with one of his lower hands, turning. "Thanks sir. I know it'll take time, but I hope I make you proud."
The speaker chuckled. "So far, Randall, you already are."
Randall's chest extended, along with the rest of his body. He was feeling invigorated now, better than he had in a long time. A second glance back, and he left.
*
The speaker watched Randall leave, keeping the smile he had had, rotating his head a little. He was completely honest in the session. Randall was quite the find, he admitted, and he was glad he was lucky enough to find the lizard monster early. Given his disposition, the world may have treated him harsher than what he'd already experienced, and he may have lost himself completely.
Yes, Randall had the makings of a fantastic scarer. He already showed promise, both practically and with the knowledge and skill of what to do. But scareing was just a job. It may have influenced their society and was a staple of their everyday life...but it wasn't everything. You could be the best scarer in the world, but it didn't make you the best person by default. Being a scarer can make many monsters happy, but what truly makes a person happy is if they're happy with themselves, as they are.
Randall reminded him a lot of himself actually. The boy was kind, but the world can take advantage of that. It was unfortunate, a partial disaster, that he had to learn that lesson in such a way, with nobody to help him pick up the pieces.
But that's what he was here for. He had a soft spot for the lizard monster, took direct interest in him. Randall was struggling, picking up his shattered self and trying to piece it together like a shredded human door. It's hard for a person to do that all alone. He needed somebody, somebody who understood, to help.
Shaking his head, the speaker looked up at the window, of the sun rays peeking through the stone tower. Opening his mouth to take a deep breath, he let his two shining fangs glint in the sunlight.
It's ironic, that he was made fun of as a kid for these fangs. Now? He was quite famous with them. Maybe his parent's sense of humor paid off in the end.
Fangs.
What a defining first name he had.
But what did it matter, it was his, made him who he was. And helping people like Randall? That's what made him who he was too.
A small glimpse of Randall after MU...there may be other bits later on...but this kind of got to me.
===
Who You Are
===
"Take a deep breath Randall."
He took the advice, keeping his eyes closed as he was direct to do at the start of this exercise. He stood in the center of the circular room, a firm stance on all four feet, arms to his sides, digits relaxed. He cold feel the warming stonework beneath his feet, and knew he was surrounded on all sides by it, blocking out most of the noise so that he could concentrate.
Relaxation was partially the goal of this exercise, but Randall knew it wasn't going to be easy. He'd been restless and uncertain ever since he walked through the door. But success or failure, at least it was just him and one other monster to witness the results.
"Now what do you see with your eyes closed?"
"It's dark," Randall replied, in a deadpan way. If it was anybody else who'd ask such a simple question, he would have added an agitated tone to what he said. But no, not this monster. This monster he had respect for.
"Right. Now look around a little, turn your eyes to the sound of my voice."
Randall did as he was told, reminding that it was just his head moving. He scanned the floor, blind, waiting for any change, and soon there was. He could see the change of light through his eyelids, probably from the window that was overhead, the one he spotted when he first came in.
"Ok, I can see the light a little, but not really."
"Right. The only thing you see is the light and the dark. Look ahead again...there you go. Now, focus."
"Focus? On what? There's nothing, it's all black."
"It's not really dark Randall, just look."
Randall sighed, but tried. He'd slept as long as anybody else, he supposed, and had had his eyes closed just as long. It was just...no, there was something. Most of what he was looking at, or rather wasn't looking at, was dark. But there were other colors dancing around, or at least they seemed like colors. Little shapes in the dark twisting and turning, growing and fading. He guessed it was some sort of biological trick his eyes played on him, something they did when they didn't have something to actually see.
"How are you feeling now?"
Randall murmured. "Not...really any different."
"You look different."
Randall opened his eyes, looking down at himself, on reflex. "No...noooo...." he groaned. He wasn't his normal colors. Instead, he was almost jet black, but with several square and oval lines that stood out in neon-colors. "Not AGAIN!" he growled.
The speaker leaned in, sounding sympathetic along with being authoritative. "Randall, stop."
"But I-!" Randall began, looking at the speaker with both anger and embarrassment.
"Randall."
"Erm."
"...Randall, do you understand that your gift seems to be triggered by your subconscious?"
"Well my subconscious is making me SELF-CONSCIOUS," Randall muttered looking away.
The speaker murmured a chuckle. "Randall, look...what you did just now. You had control of it. You didn't just change into something random, you changed into what you were focusing on. In this case, it was what you were seeing in front of you."
"...Can I change back now?"
"Can you?"
"Of course I can," Randall replied, tightening his hands, his scales reverting from his head to his tail to their normal colors.
The speaker backed up, seeming to look the lizard monster over. "Randall...I have to wonder. ARE those your real colors?"
"What?" Randall exclaimed. "Of course they are...I've been like this for as long as I can remember." He paused, looking away. "Then again, I'm use to being invisible too."
The speaker came around in the darkness to where Randall was facing, leaning in again. "The way it seems, Randall, is that you have three stages of your gift. Blending in general, keeping it on, and changing back. It seems you know the last stage well enough."
"I guess."
The speaker leaned in closer, a flash of sharp teeth glinting off the rays of sun peeking through the window. "That's an accomplishment Randall for such a gift. If you hadn't grasped that, you would forget what you really look like. If you kept changing all the time, sooner or later you could forget who you are."
Randall looked straight ahead, blinking a little rapid. "I...never thought of it that way," he said, looking down at his hands.
The speaker's head nodded. "Knowing what you look like, who you are, is what you have to start with. Now...who are you Randall?"
Randall stared at his hands, open and inviting. He was sixteen now, and he was still remembering what he had done with them when he was fifteen. He had held text books, pencils, and crawled through urchin filled tunnels. He'd shaken the hand of perhaps, he thought, was his lifelong friend.
Who was he? Was he some...glasses-wearing dork who was easy to take advantage of? Some kind, considerate monster who was also so ignorant of how the world works? Did he learn anything? Could he steel himself so that he wouldn't be humiliated, that he wouldn't fail, that he could make something of himself.
Who was he?
"I don't know," he answered honestly.
The speaker nodded. "This is why your in a focused study Randall. You're carrying so much emotion, your talents are in distress."
"Yeah, plenty of that to go around," Randall muttered, letting his hands drop.
"It will take time Randall. You've got a few years, and I know you'll figure it out."
"You really think so?" Randall asked, looking to the speaker.
"I know so Randall." The speaker circled a little, it's own serpentine body following it's face. "I knew from the moment I scouted you that you had something. I don't mean just your talent either. Some great people, some great scarers, come from different places. They're of all sorts, all sizes, all different themselves. They all find different ways to nurture their talents, to better themselves." The speaker stopped, looking at Randall directly. "I know why you didn't accept my invitation immediately. You had something important you wanted to stay close to. Something, or someone, you didn't want to leave alone?"
Randall looked away. Yes, he had his obligations, university pride too. But he also didn't want to leave somebody, who he called friend, alone to fend for himself. He knew what it felt to be abandoned like that. Ironically, he ended up that way anyhow.
The speaker continued. "For your school, that shows loyalty and dedication. For people you cared about, it's friendship or brotherhood." The speaker leaned in, and the tip of a reptilian tail emerged from the dark. It moved under Randall's chin, lifting it, making Randall focus on him. "Loyalty, dedication, courtesy and kindness. That's what I saw when I scouted you Randall. Academically, you had the knowledge and skill, and a unique gift to boot. But you also have traits that I feel the world is starting to lose."
Randall blinked, feeling some emotion churning in his gut, and it showed on his face, and through his eyes. This monster he respected was talking about HIM. Not about his career, not about his gift, not about who he'd later be. But who, at his core, he was.
The speaker leaned in a bit more, and Randall could clearly see the honesty in the monster's face. "I don't want you to lose that Randall. You come from troubled beginnings, I can tell, and you've held out for a long time. You will be a great scarer, if that's what you want to be, I know that. I will help you achieve that goal. But, something you should do yourself, is to hang on to the qualities that make you, you."
Randall found himself smiling, but he was unsure why. Maybe it was because this monster hit the nail on the head, figuratively speaking. What he'd experienced as a kid, what he had experienced in college...he'd had his share of life wounds. His public failure had hit him hard, and he was losing grip with himself. Maybe...he was afraid of losing himself. This monster understood that.
The tail went from the chin to Randall's upper shoulder, simulating like a hand. Randall kept his head up, literally and figuratively. He felt tears starting in his eyes, but they were happier ones. He was being understood, something that rarely, next to never, happened for him. The event in college nearly destroyed his hope that somebody would ever understand. To find that somebody did was overwhelming.
"That's enough for this session Randall. Hm hm, you look thin, you should get something to eat. Take it to a terrace. Great views compliment a good meal," the speaker finally said, patting Randall's shoulder before retracting the tail.
"R-right," Randall replied, looking down and running an arm over his eyes. Looking at the speaker with young eyes, he turned and started for the door. He stopped when he gripped the handle with one of his lower hands, turning. "Thanks sir. I know it'll take time, but I hope I make you proud."
The speaker chuckled. "So far, Randall, you already are."
Randall's chest extended, along with the rest of his body. He was feeling invigorated now, better than he had in a long time. A second glance back, and he left.
*
The speaker watched Randall leave, keeping the smile he had had, rotating his head a little. He was completely honest in the session. Randall was quite the find, he admitted, and he was glad he was lucky enough to find the lizard monster early. Given his disposition, the world may have treated him harsher than what he'd already experienced, and he may have lost himself completely.
Yes, Randall had the makings of a fantastic scarer. He already showed promise, both practically and with the knowledge and skill of what to do. But scareing was just a job. It may have influenced their society and was a staple of their everyday life...but it wasn't everything. You could be the best scarer in the world, but it didn't make you the best person by default. Being a scarer can make many monsters happy, but what truly makes a person happy is if they're happy with themselves, as they are.
Randall reminded him a lot of himself actually. The boy was kind, but the world can take advantage of that. It was unfortunate, a partial disaster, that he had to learn that lesson in such a way, with nobody to help him pick up the pieces.
But that's what he was here for. He had a soft spot for the lizard monster, took direct interest in him. Randall was struggling, picking up his shattered self and trying to piece it together like a shredded human door. It's hard for a person to do that all alone. He needed somebody, somebody who understood, to help.
Shaking his head, the speaker looked up at the window, of the sun rays peeking through the stone tower. Opening his mouth to take a deep breath, he let his two shining fangs glint in the sunlight.
It's ironic, that he was made fun of as a kid for these fangs. Now? He was quite famous with them. Maybe his parent's sense of humor paid off in the end.
Fangs.
What a defining first name he had.
But what did it matter, it was his, made him who he was. And helping people like Randall? That's what made him who he was too.
