DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 17, 2009 19:02:16 GMT -5
Well, this was a new idea I had for a story quite a while back now and its been dawning on me. So today I wrote up the very 1st Chapter and I hope you like it. I tried to stick to as close to Randall's personaility as possible without making him go 'too' soft. That conversation with Charlie might spark something later on in the story, so watch out : www.fanfiction.net/s/4798640/1/Reptile_In_The_Fast_LaneWell, I hope most of you like it and please review if you get the chance. I know its only the first chapter, but tell me what you think of it anyway please. Ok, hope its satisfactory again ;D.
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Post by pitbulllady on Jan 17, 2009 19:37:25 GMT -5
I just read it, not quite sure what to think. The whole conversation with Charlie bit has me a tad on edge, to be perfectly honest. I don't know if this is what you intended, but there was a really, really strong "slash" element there. I have to tell you here and now, I am NOT a fan of slash, and that's an understatement. I hope that's not where this fic is going, and that I misread it, but I have a feeling that I won't be the only one to think this.
pitbulllady
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Post by RandallBoggs on Jan 17, 2009 20:29:32 GMT -5
*folds arms and taps chin* Well an interesting thing I noticed was that there were so "I"s in place of "he"s and "my"s in place of "his"s which I found kind of weird. But as for the "slash element"...I think that mainly came about with the "breathtaking eyees comment". *shrugs* Other than that I don't think it's slash. I mean lets face it, Ran probably would have Charlie rather than Fungus as a SCARE ASSISTNAT of course 0_0 And I think it's a bit safer since I doubt Charlie would be yelling a 2319 on Randall anytime soon ^0^ So yeah, I don't think slash was the intention....least...hope it's not the attention with the whole "spark" thing.
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DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 18, 2009 3:39:03 GMT -5
No, no... its not a slash fic. I wished I hadn't of put that comment about his eyes if it made it look like that... I wanted to make a point that its not just Randall who admires his emerald eyes. I wanted somebody else to notice it. I think I'll change that line to make it sound different as I'm now uncomfortable with the fact it sounds like it's going to be a slash fic... Thanks for pointing that out though The next chapter will feature Randall 'over hearing' a conversation between Waternoose, Needleman and Smitty. EDIT: Ok, I've changed that comment to Charlie wondering if anybody noticed small details about Randall and not more noticeable subjects. Hopefully, its got the point more away from being a slash fic. Oh yes, that's the only time Randall's going to be nice for the rest of the time he has in MI till he goes to the Cars dimension. It was just a little, nice chat, like Randall himself describes it.
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Post by pitbulllady on Jan 18, 2009 6:15:40 GMT -5
I think that the problem may be due to the fact that you're still writing it from YOUR personal perspective, and describing Randall as YOU see him, rather than putting yourself into the place of the character you're writing for at the time. Most guys are not going to notice how beautiful and gorgeous another guy's eyes are. It can be tough, putting yourself into the place of another person, especially someone who is of the opposite gender and very different from yourself when you write from that person's perspective, and it helps, I guess, to have really been observant of different people over a long period of time, to sorta "get inside their heads" to have something to draw upon when writing.
pitbulllady
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DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 18, 2009 8:08:32 GMT -5
I think that the problem may be due to the fact that you're still writing it from YOUR personal perspective, and describing Randall as YOU see him, rather than putting yourself into the place of the character you're writing for at the time. Most guys are not going to notice how beautiful and gorgeous another guy's eyes are. It can be tough, putting yourself into the place of another person, especially someone who is of the opposite gender and very different from yourself when you write from that person's perspective, and it helps, I guess, to have really been observant of different people over a long period of time, to sorta "get inside their heads" to have something to draw upon when writing. pitbulllady Yeah, it would have been much easier to do it from 1st person perspective. But I wanted this story to be told from a different angle, and yeah, I know it did sound weird before since it was spoken from the same gender, but at least I've cleared that up now. I'll be posting chapter 2 soon as I'm writing it as I speak
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Post by RandallBoggs on Jan 18, 2009 20:12:18 GMT -5
Ah, I knew it was an honest mistake hehehe ^_^ Now that I think about it...Ran in CARS? ^0^ Quite interesting ^0^ Wonder how it'll turn out ^0^
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DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 19, 2009 2:24:06 GMT -5
Yes, thanks for trusting me . I was thinking that the first encounter Randall will have is with Mater, like Lightning does when he awakens from passing out. The ideas going around in my head is too much ;D As abit of extra news, theirs a new MI upcoming story from my friend at school. He's told me some inside to it and it's Monsters Inc 25 Years Later. Should be really cool! He asked me to draw a picture of Randall's son and I have... but I'm not giving things away yet ;D.
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Post by RandallBoggs on Jan 19, 2009 19:56:40 GMT -5
*shrugs* Well heh heh.
Well one problem I encountered with that world is if forms are changed or not.
REALLY?...25 YEARS!? Jeez...
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DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 20, 2009 3:14:41 GMT -5
Yep! I'm actually really excited about it and he says that he's posting the first chapter soon... We seem to talk alot about stories at school alot, even though I'm not sure if he's really a friend. But it's nice to share thougts and ideas . The 3rd Chapter will be up soon... I'm in the midst of doing two stories, which slows it down .
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Post by RandallBoggs on Jan 20, 2009 20:51:24 GMT -5
Good second chapter by the way. Though I doubt Ran would let Wazowski get his way in that "certain birthday tradition" ^_^ Of course Wazowski is hardly creative ^0^
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DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 21, 2009 2:30:35 GMT -5
Good second chapter by the way. Though I doubt Ran would let Wazowski get his way in that "certain birthday tradition" ^_^ Of course Wazowski is hardly creative ^0^ Hmm yeah, you got that right. But I figured for that he was to traumatized on Fungus to care. Nevermind, it was still a fun chapter to write ;D
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DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 23, 2009 13:17:24 GMT -5
YAY! The third Chappie is now online ! Few... it's been a backache through school to get that done but it's still as thrilling as before, now that I have Randall in the Cars world. ;D Please read if you have the time and again, please review if you do have the chance as it's appreciated.
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DinoGirl
Randall's Head Servant (300-799)
Aladar sure has one sparkling eye!
Posts: 512
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Post by DinoGirl on Jan 26, 2009 17:43:50 GMT -5
Ok, I'm asking for very reasonable anwsers. I've just posted the Fourth Chapter up and I'm wondering if Doc and Mater sound in character? I recently watched Cars and I've been trying to adapt the voices. When I write, I try to emerse myself into the characters position and imagine what they would say and do. After that, the descriptions become easy! But what are your opinians of my interpretations of Doc and Mater (so far they are the only two characters I've introduced from the Car universe.) It would be really helpful if any of you replied ot this. UPDATE: I decided to move the story to the Cars category. I'm hoping I've made the right decision since essentially, the story is based inside the Cars universe. But I hope many of you don't mind that I have done this, but if you do, I will gladly move it back to its original place .
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Post by RandallBoggs on Jan 26, 2009 19:51:45 GMT -5
I've FINALLY got around to looking at your third chapter. I was aiming to view quickly at the time, but apparently you don't accept annymous reviews -_- But in a nutshell, good work...I dare say your doing quite well with Randall...though the little fight between him and Sullivan seemed a bit too heated for the time, though I'm trying to recall the time frame of this ^_^
I'll get to chapter 4 soon enough ^_^
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